The Hidden Truth of “Man Flu”
Gather around men, and hold onto your hats, for we’re about to unveil a truth so profound, it’s been hidden from us by the powers that be. The “Man Flu” – that dreaded ailment we’ve all experienced, that has been the butt of jokes and dismissive gaslighting eye rolls for years – is real. And guess what? They’ve known about it all along.
For years, we’ve been told that the “Man Flu” is just an exaggeration, a figment of our imagination, or worse, a sign of our “weakness.” But what if I told you that deep within the vaults of government facilities, evidence exists that proves its reality? That’s right. Man Flu has been well researched and documented since the early 50s. The “Man Flu” is a unique ailment that affects only men, probably engineered in a top secret laboratory somewhere in the Nevada desert. And worse still, they have a cure and they’ve been keeping it from us.
The Pharmaceutical Companies’ Role
Now, you might wonder, why would anyone hide such a thing? The answer, my friends, is control. Big Pharma has been studying Man Flu for decades, and has even developed a cure, a magic elixir that can provide almost instant relief from Man Flu. But instead of releasing it to the public, they’ve conspired with shadowy government forces and ALL the women in the world to keep it under wraps. Why? Because a man under the effects of the Man Flu is a man who’s easier to control.
The Symptoms They Don’t Want You to Recognize
- A running nose that feels like your nose is staging a revolt. They’ll tell you its just a sniffle.
- A cough that sounds like a lion’s roar , but they’ll say they hardly noticed.
- A thumping head that feels like a pneumatic drill breaking concrete. Only men will know what this feels like.
- Cut Glass and Barbed Wire in the back of your throat.
- Fatigue so profound that even thinking about moving is a task. They’ll call you lazy and tell you to put on your ‘big boy pants’.
Recognize these? Thought so.
The Remedies You Need To Know
While the ultimate cure remains locked away, there are remedies our forefathers, in their wisdom have passed down to us through the generations. Learn these off by heart and teach them to your sons, so that this ancient wisdom may never be lost.
- Homemade Chicken Soup: Not just any soup. A simple but specific recipe passed down through generations, is known to alleviate symptoms. Chicken, Carrots, Celery, Salt and Pepper boiled for a few hours is all you need. Do not add anything else. It is believed that Big Pharma has already learned how to extract the active ingredients of Homemade Chicken Soup and synthetically reproduced it in a lab, ready for mass production.
- Hot Tea with honey and Biscuits: Any blend will do. The important part here is the tea bag must steep for 5 minutes in the boiling water. we know our women purposefully only slap that bag in there for about 10 seconds …. We know…. It’s all about the steeping..
- Ginger, Lemon, Honey and Whisky: The proportions are crucial. Too much or too little, and its efficacy wanes. Wives and girlfriends cannot be trusted to make these correctly. It’s almost as if they sabotage it on purpose (of course they do!!). Learn to make it properly ! Keep practicing. You’ll know when it’s right.
- Toast with Butter and Jam: The toast must be just right – not to thin and not too thick. Not too crispy or else the dry crumbs will irritate your throat. Not too soft or you might as well make a sandwich. Apply the butter when the toast is still hot and NEVER EVER use margarine!! Apply just the right amount of Strawberry Jam with its juicy soothing sweetness.
Fellas, it’s time to rally. Women, Big Pharma and Secret Government agencies have been weaponising Man Flu for too long, all the while minimising our suffering and gaslighting our lived experiences. We now know the truth, and it should be our mission to ensure that every man knows he’s not alone in this fight. So, the next time your missus chuckles at your “Man Flu,” give her a wink and a nod. Because now you know. You know that they know, but they don’t know that you know…… and so the balance of power is shifting…
